Nikhil's Poems

Short Story: Soldier Of Fate

2006-11-03T23:36:00.000-08:00

SOLDIER OF FATE

They say war isn’t for the weak at heart. It isn’t. The deafening sound of exploding shells and triggered landmines isn’t something everyone could grow accustomed to. The constant, nagging and piercing roar of machine guns blazing all around could easily drive anyone to the brink of insanity. Then again, sanity is a luxury in a place like this. They say war is where heroes are made. They said we would be those heroes, each one of us. They said we would find a gallant, brave, meaningful and courageous death in war… I wasn’t going to.

The smell of the rain is all that offered some relief from the choking smell of gunpowder and the sickening stench of charred bodies. As I lay against the muddy wall of the trench, I began to notice the cloud of smoke that had risen to the night sky as a shadow of our fate, looming over our shoulders as we killed one another. It moved slowly, rising further and further into the clouds as the rain drops washed away some of the blood on my face.

I heard a clumsy thud and turned to my right where I saw another man from my regiment hurl himself into the trench for cover. A second later, my eyes shut instinctively at the sight of a bright flash followed by at least a minute of agonizing ringing in my ears. I knew enough to realize I was rendered temporarily deaf from the familiar explosion of a grenade not too far from where I was. I also knew enough to realize that it was this silence that I had been craving.

In the silence I hear no screams. I hear no cries of pain. I hear no agonizing moans. I hear no disgusting swears. In the silence, I do not hear the chaos. I do not hear the on-going barrage of orders being hurled my way. In the silence, I hear nothing. For where I found myself at the time, ‘nothing’ was also a luxury and it was best served in self-desired blindness, which is what I hoped to achieve by closing my eyes.

It ironically only took another explosion in the distance to snap me out of my state of partial Nirvana which the previous explosion had gifted me.

When I opened my eyes, I was staring at a man in front of me.

He’d lost his field helmet and his trembling fingers clung to his standard issue assault rifle. His face, like everyone else’s, was streaked with blood and numerous tiny droplets clung to the stubble on his chin. It wasn’t hard to recognize him behind the crimson mask as a friend of mine.

"Boy am I glad to see you!” he shouted over the noise, finding some brief respite from the madness beyond these walls..

“Does it even matter now?” I replied, barely audible to him.

“I thought you’d end up like him.” He said, pointing to my right at the corpse I thought was someone ducking for cover.

“Give me a couple of hours.” I replied, monotonously.

“Well we probably may not need a couple of hours the way this is going. It’s going to be a long wait before we get some help.”

I shrugged, knowing fully well that help wouldn’t reach in time.

His voice was shaky, and it probably was with good reason.

“So how long you been sitting here? You hurt” he asked me.

I just looked at him, and shook my head, shifting my hands to reassuringly hold my gun close to me.

“You need to get back out there.” He screamed to be heard over another shell.

I could only stare at him, not realizing I was subconsciously nodding ‘no’ furiously, refusing to go back into the field of battle.

“Get the hell out there!!” he screamed some more, as he crawled up to me.

I only tightened my grip on the gun.

He came up to me and tugged furiously at my jacket, repeatedly asking me to get on my feet.

I couldn’t move a muscle. Every fiber in my body seemed to be in a state of paralytic contraction and I couldn’t will myself to move. That is, not until I inexplicably pushed my gun hard against his chest, pushing him back to the other side of the trench.

He just looked at me in utter contempt and disdain, getting on his feet and crouching.

“You should never have come here!” he screamed, venting all his harbored frustration at me and understandably so.

A moment later I saw him crawl over the wall of the trench and run into the field of combat.

I had no doubt that it would be the last time that I saw him.

I’m supposed to be one of the many brave men in the army. I once believed I was such a man. Little more than a half hour ago, I was such a man. Then it all changed.

In the field of battle, you rarely get a good glimpse at your enemy. The only clues you have, are those that are given to you by the sounds of firing and the flashes from the barrel. More often than not, the flashes only assure you that you have no chance of survival. The last thing you wanted to see, was the glowing turret of a machine gun.

He wasn’t a close friend of mine, but we were in the same regiment and we did know each other a good deal. His name, never really served a purpose since we all recognized him by the scar on his face.

He was 28 and was already the father of two children. In better times he’d share stories on his two precious little daughters aged 1 and 3, speaking of their uncanny ability to pull hard at his wife’s hair, and other things that characterized their child-like innocence. This was not one of those better times, but I couldn’t help but wonder if he was thinking of them at every moment, using their thoughts, their memories and the prospect of seeing them again to spur him on..

He was by my side when we found ourselves astray from the rest of the men.

We crawled on our knees and fired at our unseen enemies who seemed to be at a distance at the time, making their way towards us constantly and all we could do was fire into the darkness and pray that we wouldn’t be able to see the dreaded interrupted flashes from a machine gun.

All of a sudden, I saw it. I saw repeated flashes of amber in the distance and instinctively ducked my head, looking to my right to see if he had done the same.

He showed me a thumb’s up to tell me he was okay and I breathed a sigh of relief.

I raised my gun and fired in the general direction that I’d seen the guns firing from. I then rolled over to the left a few times and found some concealment behind some bushes. When I was sure I had enough concealment, I looked over to my right to ask him to find similar cover.

He was gone.

I couldn’t see him behind me, or at either of my two sides. Where had he gone?

The only explanation I could think of was that he moved ahead. But I couldn’t see him ahead of me either and the poor vision offered by the night didn’t help things. Surely a man couldn’t crawl that distance so quickly in a few seconds.

Unless, I thought, he ran ahead into the darkness. But why? It was suicide.

That’s when it occurred to me. He would only run on ahead if there was absolutely no choice. That meant the enemy was closer than we’d thought.

That also meant he had found certain death.

I could only spare a moment to reflect on his imminent death, because my human instincts didn’t believe in mourning at the cost of my own life.

I had to make it back to the camp and fast.

Soon there would be grenades. If they saw me, they only had to assume there were more with me.

The thought had only occurred to me and a moment later I heard the intense explosion of a grenade break the stillness of the night not too far from where I was. Sand showered over me and stones rattled my helmet as I turned around, hastily trying to crawl and retreat.

Another explosion echoed in the distance and for a fleeting moment I felt relief at the prospect that they thought I was headed in another direction.

But then, all my senses came alive and a surge of adrenaline took control of me as I heard footsteps running right fast towards me.

I didn’t need to think twice, or rather, I didn’t even need to think before turning around and firing off as many rounds as I could manage at my assailant.

The moments that followed would forever haunt me, as I saw the look of terror on a familiar scarred face that fell lifeless to the ground.

I could almost feel the weight of his body dragging along with me as I managed to make it to camp, and take cover in a trench.

We were all killers here, each and every one of us. That was why we were here in the first place. To snatch the gift of life away from as many hands as possible. It was all accepted… as long as the lives we took weren’t on our side.

As I lay there, suddenly oblivious to the mayhem around me, it occurred to me that while we were all killers, I was probably the only murderer. I had taken the life of one of my own and that was never forgivable.

My eyes stared blankly into the sky, as the incident played over and over again in my head.

I had robbed a wife of her husband. I had stolen away the father of two innocent little girls. My mind associated imaginary faces with each one of them, and all I could see were the tears in their eyes as they looked at me, asking me again and again, ‘Why?’

I couldn’t bear the thought of being the one who widowed a loving wife and left two perfect children fatherless. But what could I do to free myself from the talons of this merciless guilt?

As my mind continued to torment me, there was only one option that seemed to assure me some freedom from this sickening feeling, and I knew that it was all I could do now.

A number of thoughts filled my head but the ones which took up most space, were the weeping faces of the widow and her daughters. Theirs were the faces I needed to erase.

As I crawled out of the trench, I looked around to see the twenty odd men still alive laying flat on the ground, firing away into the night. I then saw the surprise and incomprehensive look on their faces as I stood up tall to stand out against the horizon.

I merely looked ahead as I pointed my gun straight into the distance, getting ready to put up my last stand.

I ran, senseless and firing indiscriminately as I heard the cries of ‘No!’ and ‘Don’t do it!’ behind me.

How I made it to them, close enough to see their shapes outlined against their vehicles, I will never know. In my state of adrenaline controlled stupor, I could only register the fact that I had taken some lives - Lives that this time, I was meant to take.

Little did my brothers behind me know, that what I well and truly wanted, was to be found by the one bullet that would save me from the madness that still plagued my mind.

In less than a moment, I could see the intermittently flashing light from a machine gun not too far from me.

This time, I welcomed the sight.

It didn’t take long for the intense pain to start radiating from different points of my chest and abdomen.

They say pain is temporary and glory is forever. I will find no glory but at least, I will find my peace.

As I fell to the ground, I just managed to turn over and face the sky.

The night sky looked serenely beautiful and a far cry from the chaos that reigned beneath it.

It only seemed fitting for me to find death in the same manner that I handed it out. In death, I hoped to find my peace. In death I hoped to be forgiven. I didn’t want forgiveness from God. I didn’t want forgiveness from the man I had murdered. I wanted to be forgiven by the three souls he had left behind. To me, it seemed that my death would be the only price worth paying for my sins.

I could not stand to face a life of guilt, knowing that I had torn a family apart. Even now, the guilt grew stronger as my life waned. I knew though, that in death it would all be forgotten. Rather, I hoped and prayed that it would all be forgotten. I had taken a life that perhaps should have been someone else’s to take. I now had to give my own in my search for absolution.

The cloud of smoke seemed even more so like a shadow of my fate now. I found my fate in death, and as my eyes began to shut slowly, I saw the clouds rise farther and farther into the sky. The rain poured down on me, washing my life away as the blood ebbed from my body, washing away my sins and absolving me of my guilt forever.

By,

Nikhil Menon

Throne

2006-10-03T23:03:00.000-07:00

To forfeit all that once,
Did burn inside my mind
As a flame that kindled
The hunger for glory to find,
Would be to forsake all
That I have lived to die for,
As its true worth is but
Something I would not lie for.

To drown in my sorrows,
Would be to cede to mortality,
Which preys upon my soul
As a demon that breeds depravity
And destroys those desires
Which beckon me to be divine,
Only to break upon existence
As a lost mirage never to be mine.

To find my soul in chains,
Would be to fall from great might
To a fate of ordinary shadows,
With no glimpse of divine light
That I know we all long for
In our quest for the unknown
Which will only be kindled,
Until death does accede your throne.

By,

Nikhil Menon

The Glory Of Men

2006-10-03T22:59:00.000-07:00

As I walk amongst them,
I realize that they are not
The reasons for their indiscretion.
They were once my foes;
My friends; My brothers;
My only means of some salvation.
They are but children-
The young and the old,
Who know not where the truth lies.
They are weak at heart,
And broken in mind.
To them age, is but a disguise.
They wage wars not for
Quarrels great, but only
To satisfy their worldly desire.
They live with dreams of
Divinity and glory profound.
Their divinity shall burn on their pyres.

By,

Nikhil Menon

To Be Reborn

2006-10-03T22:53:00.000-07:00

Would I be lost in a world
Where Gods are men, and men - gods?
Or would I break free, and
Escape these chasms of divine realism?
Would my whims lead me
To the edge of reason and the brink of faith?
Or would they but epitomise,
The lack of foresight man has embraced?

Would I be bound in the chains
Of an apostacy of man and his mind?
Or would I fly with the rest
On the wings of an unknown angel?
Would I shun these torts of
Mortal weakness that plagues us all?
Or would I shun my very
Mortal roots themselves, to embrace death?

Would I live to be what
Many would believe I live for?
Or would I burn those dreams,
And walk among the minds that reason?
Would I be another slave
To live my life in the shackles of thought?
Or would I be reborn in
The purest existence I know - me?

By,

Nikhil Menon

The Prophet's Own

2006-10-03T22:52:00.000-07:00

I would only heal myself,
With the promise of your own.
For I see no purpose in all
That i once believed was sacred.
I mock not, that which once
Served to many as a beacon of hope.
It is your fate, but, it still
Burns to be within MY barren existence.

I would only preach to them,
Who do cherish all that will fade.
I only long to find them when
They will fall fr0m where they lay.
This isn't my soul to break,
Within the shadow that is my bane.
For all that walks today as hope,
Withers into the dust that you will fall in.

My only purpose now is to be
That which you seek in salvation.
For it is my mind that speaks to me
As a voice beyond the realm of mortal sense.
Where I walk now, I will find my grave.
Where I speak now, i will fall in silence.
I will not weep but still I will shed,
These tears that are the prophet's own.

By,

Nikhil Menon

Brand New Hit Counter

2006-06-07T20:55:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone. Just posted a new hit-counter here which probably isn't much of an eyesore compared to the last one! So it's whatever number the present one says + 2108. Thanks for coming!

By Virtue of Humanity

2006-06-07T07:43:00.000-07:00

Singing softly,
The children of the broken soul,
Flock to the core
Of their barren existence.

Words lost in silence
Find meaning in confusion,
To the tune of ascension
In its virtuous divinity.

We would never know,
The angels that weep beside
Our broken bodies
And the eclipsed human mind.

Consumed by fear
And a longing for dreams,
We walk onwards,
To the sound of hell's own.

Our power is locked
In a mirage of purpose.
Our peace is found,
In lost hope and defeat.

Beseech hi all you will,
But will he ever hear your cries?
He will guide you but
You will never know,
If the path he leads you onto,
Finds life or death.

By,
Nikhil Menon

Darkness Falls

2006-06-07T07:39:00.000-07:00

Pray I did when
My mortal soul,
Did find its roots divine.
A chasm of chaos,
Amidst control,
Would be this heart of mine.

The hand that fed
The infant child,
Lies broken by its whim.
Forsaking all that
Would be vile,
To embrace a holy sin.

By virtue I must
Die one day;
By purpose I forsake all.
But I will find,
That light some day,
When it appears that darkness falls.

By,
Nikhil Menon

Forsake You

2006-06-07T07:35:00.000-07:00

Find me lost and broken still,
Embracing that which never will
Learn to be forever true,
And so I embrace you.

Leave me with my only fear,
Of the silent screams I hear.
Forsaking all I will ever do,
And so leave me with you.

Blind to all I would see,
To find visions of a broken me,
Worthy of this pagan view,
And so I see only you.

I must forsake all this pain,
To find my mortal roots again.
To breathe again; life anew,
I must but I will never forsake you.

By,
Nikhil Menon

In Time

2006-06-07T07:26:00.000-07:00

Blood from the ages
Fills my empty cups,
To flow again through these veins.
My saviour is near
But I've had enough,
And so I fall once again.

Oh! how the sun
Dances in your eyes,
To shine upon my lost soul.
Bound to find truth
In those very lies,
That I need to be whole.

Velvet grace is found
In your precious tears,
To be mine some holy day.
I'd give into pride
But not all my fears,
For I will die where I lay.

Whent he angels burn
In my anger within
I'll forsake my disguise.
For glory's lost;
Beneath my skin,
To see this fallen man rise.

Shadows break and
So does this day,
To be this night in me.
You were my sin,
So I still pay;
Never to be set free.

But this holy tryst
That you define,
Will be all that I break.
I'll always fall;
I will fade into time;
But I shall never forsake.

By,
Nikhil Menon

Soldier of the Unknown

2006-06-07T07:20:00.000-07:00

Hearing words in silence,
That blinds me once again.
Here my soul does spurn all
Of this eternal mortal pain.
Leave me broken and alone.
I am a soldier of the unknown.

Shadows cry my only tears,
But they won't bleed for me.
With the fate I forsake,
I forget all I would see.
Reeping what you have sown,
I am a soldier fo the unknown.

The sky breaks into night;
No rays of hope shine through.
This is no night that I know,
But is one eclipsed by you.
Your dark fate is now my own;
I am a soldier of the unknown.

My sould longs for respite
From these demons I have found,
But still I stand, waging
Your war on this broken ground.
My fate is now set in stone.
I am a soldier of the unknown.

Dear angel, why do you run
From this son you seem to spurn?
I am now bound to darkness,
When I will fall to die and burn.
Glorified with no divine throne;
I am a soldier of the unknown.

By,
Nikhil Menon

Save Me

2006-06-07T07:14:00.000-07:00

You were my friend,
Now you walk as my bane,
To see my soul is broken.
Here I now drown,
In the pouring rain,
To find my dreams forsaken.

Let me be the knife,
That twists in your side,
When you lie to me, so true.
The daggers screamed
Everytime you lied,
But still I cannot hurt you.

Burn with me now,
And be mine in the dust,
That we will be someday.
Break all my chains,
For all faith is unjust
As are the words you say.

When the shadows cast
Sweet hope's rays in the dark,
Would you make me blind?
They look on so
Silent, with eyes that mark
My fallen will and broken mind.

Let me just fall
Every time you scream.
I will not be reborn.
Dear winged demon,
Come set me free,
Or I will be torn.

Mend my broken wings,
And you will see me soar,
Far above what you gave me.
But I bear no hope,
Like I once did before,
For you will never save me.

By,
Nikhil Menon

Mirrors

2006-06-07T07:08:00.000-07:00

I see shadows in your eyes,
Dancing like mirages by the flames of providence.
They would be what you've sown,
To haunt you when your soul lies towards decadence.
The angels by your side,
Come forth to guide you, friend, as soldiers of providence.

Hear the masters speak your truth,
In broken words that whisper to you with the breeze.
They'd never bless your soul,
And bestow sweet wisdom to cure your disease.
You would be the hand that lies
Waiting for the scars of battle upon you to cease.

Ashen warrior will you see,
Your glory lies elusive to you, forever more?
When the holy light fades,
Will you fall and pray by the unopened door?
You will be all that I will despise.
You are this face, in the mirror before.

By,
Nikhil Menon

If

2006-06-07T07:03:00.000-07:00

If all that is broken,
Could be whole when reborn;
If all that is taken
Could revel in the forlorn;
If all that is fading,
Could be replenished in dust;
If all of them - lying,
Could be endowed with trust;
If all that must die,
Could still long to live;
If all that did try,
Could find compassion to forgive;
If all that would dare,
Could find success as it is so;
If all that lies bare,
Could be concealed in what we know;
If all that is true,
Could be questioned at will;
Why do I spurn my fate,
And embrace my solitude still?

By,
Nikhil Menon

Fall

2006-02-18T23:31:00.000-08:00

My perfect world
Eclipsed by night,
And sorrows I would not see.
No more divine in
Thought than might,
I find what I could never be.

It lingers painfully
And endearingly close,
For it is all I will ever find.
But it matters not-
The path I chose,
Is an illusion never to be mine.

By the prophet's hand,
The angels scribe,
For purpose eludes us all.
Reasons lost to man,
For demons to imbibe,
I succumb to will. I fall.

By,
Nikhil Menon

The Gift

2006-02-18T23:28:00.000-08:00

It drowns me,
In a soft embrace,
Killing me slowly but sure.
Erasing the path
My tears would trace;
It is the pain I must endure.

It breaks me,
In body and in mind
As I forsake what I fear.
Mortally bound,
No respite I find
From the pain, I once did endear.

It mocks me,
And my barren soul;
My own life to despise.
My image torn
From what was whole,
To a tapestry of mere lies.

It bleeds me,
To choices that i make;
My only task is to wait and die.
This broken life,
I choose to forsake,
For its gift is but a lie.

By,
Nikhil Menon

My Bane

2006-02-18T23:25:00.000-08:00

The blood I shed
For a battle lost,
Becomes my life in vain.
These mortal fears,
My only cost,
For all of my mortal pain.

A torrid thirst
For suffering will
Be all I shall ever feel.
The scars are wounds
That linger still,
Longing to be revealed.

The curse of life is
Not my only bane,
But I feel no more remorse.
To endure once, I
Must suffer again
As a barren shell; A corpse.

My words are vile;
My words are true;
My words are meant to refrain
My careless actions
From loving you.
You are my gift; my bane.

By,
Nikhil Menon

Freedom

2006-02-18T23:22:00.000-08:00

Shackled to my broken fate,
I fall to the broken ground.
In the realm of servitude I dwell.
My hope which was once lost,
In these chains I have found,
With stories of my pain to tell.

The power does lie within me,
To break free when I do choose,
But the will to summon I have lost.
I have no need for sorrow,
For it's virtues I cannot use.
This is my suffering; my cost.

A captive to my only desire;
To bear sweet misery is my choice,
For I have no fate I long to see.
Surrendering to what befalls,
I choose to have no voice,
For I long to, but I can never be free.

By,
Nikhil Menon

Why?

2006-02-18T23:18:00.000-08:00

Why does every smile
Turn a knife inside?
Why does every word
Tell me how I've lied?
Why is the one person,
That I can't confide
In, me?
Why didn't I just say
It some time before?
Why does every moment,
Leave a moment no more?
Why is all that's broken,
Something I once tore,
To be?
Why is it so hard to
Let the past go by?
Why can't the truth
Be my only lie?
Why can't I just tell you
That I'd always die,
For you?
Why are you the victim
Of my cruel desire?
Why do you still burn me
In your gentle fire?
Now my only demons,
Leave me to conspire,
Untrue.

By,
Nikhil Menon

Broken Picture

2006-02-18T23:15:00.000-08:00

When all that matters
Is nothing at all,
But the broken picture
Hanging on my wall,
I won't shed my only tears.
My mind is tired, yet
It longs to dream
Of the soft glow of joy,
With it's subtle gleam.
My dreams shelter all my fears.
These very dreams, my heart endears.

It stares at me still,
Forsaking my reasons.
What once held me in joy,
Now spurns me in treason.
I hear my past's only call.
But a memory no more,
It is a mirage to find,
As a burden upon
My longing mortal mind.
It taunts me with me silent fall -
This broken picture hanging on my wall.

By,
Nikhil Menon

Desire

2006-02-18T23:12:00.000-08:00

Its fragments among
The mirrored facade,
Of the mind that lies within.
Its glory lost in
Illusory potence,
That succumbs to mortal sin.

Its divinity bound
By a sheltered cause,
That will never conspire again.
Its mortal bliss,
Amere dream until,
It concedes to its own sweet pain.

Its words a mirage,
Unto the facets
Of the fickle human mind.
Its power is a will
Of its very own:
A pagan wish unto my kind.

Its form unseen
By most, but felt
As a cruelly searing fire.
It is my bane;
My only foe -
This curse that is my heart's desire.

By,
Nikhil Menon

I...

2006-02-18T23:07:00.000-08:00

I am not the son,
That holds you back
When you've begun.
I am not the eye,
Seeking truths
In all your lies.

I am not the hand
That leads you
Only to reprimand.
I am not the face,
That fades away
Without a trace.

I am not the mind
That deals warm thoughts,
With no hope to ever find.
I am not the man
Who lives his life
Just because he can.

I am not the lie,
You would seek
As time passes by.
I am not my own,
And so I wander...
And I must walk alone.

By,
Nikhil Menon

Here With Me

2006-02-18T23:02:00.000-08:00

I could write a song,
Where we would belong
Not to the world foor I long
To always see,
This angel, here with me.

I could walk for miles;
Alone, but all the while,
Dreaming of your smile
That divine would always be,
Like this angel, here with me.

I could shed your tears,
Cower from all your fears;
Endure the end that nears,
For all I ever would want to see,
Is this angel, here with me.

I could talk to the stars,
Whose light shines on scars
That would only be ours,
If I found my solace in thee,
My angel, here with me.

By,
Nikhil Menon

Forgotten

2006-02-18T22:50:00.000-08:00

Forgotten by the ages,
Would I tread in darkness,
Or find the power that is mine?
The path does grow longer
As the shadows do witness
This forsaken age sublime.

Forgotten by truth,
I seek a saviour in lies,
Who silently counts miseries to fall.
I must find refuge in,
The open arms of sin,
Heeding the benevolent master's call.

Forgotten by reason,
I stand by the river which
Fondly keeps me from my eternal end.
Hope would be lost,
If it existed at all,
For callous desire is my only friend.

No heaven awaits me,
Beyond the battered clouds.
My fate is my own to never share.
A grim end of sorts,
To my forgotten dreams,
As the truth shall never be laid bare.

By,
Nikhil Menon

Her Call

2006-02-10T03:50:00.000-08:00

A path before
I would not take,
Lest I hear her voice.
A solitude I
Would not forsake,
Heeds not unto choice.

Unto my fate,
I surrender alone,
To accept what may befall.
I wander among
These dreams unknown,
As I heed unto her call.

My spirit bound
To glory lost.
It is all I will ever know.
She leads me on
To my price; my cost,
To reap what I did sow.

My soul bears
The scars deep within;
These scars that bare it all.
My salvation,
To find in sins,
As I heed unto her call.

No more misery,
To comfort and heal
My mind and it's sublime art.
No more lies to
Shame and conceal,
As my virtuous reasons depart.

Beneath the shadow
That treads beside,
Lies the depth to which I fall.
Condemned in trust,
I must confide,
As I heed unto her call.

This fading mist,
Envelopes my lies.
My own end is all I see.
Consumed by all
I once did despise,
This is all I can ever be.

Cruelly destined,
Where I once tread proud,
I now lie helpless to crawl.
Free to myself,
But forever I am bound,
As I heed unto her call.

By,
Nikhil Menon

Words

2006-02-10T03:45:00.000-08:00

They resonate, bound
Not to a purpose that
Intentions governed by reason.
Their paths direct and
Their destination found;
They portray justice or treason.

They may be truths
When you confide,
Or they may be your lies.
They may be signs
Which you convey,or
They may be your pleas; your cries.

They may be your
Hopes and dreams,
Left unfulfilled by far.
They may be your
Mask to truly conceal,
The man you truly are.

One always can
Erase what is written.
It follows not with what is heard.
They are forever to
Be slaves to memory.
They are merely careless words.

By,
Nikhil Menon

Broken

2006-02-10T03:42:00.000-08:00

Broken is the dust,
Consumed by mortal rage;
A shadow rapt with lust
For the sins of this age.

Broken are the lies
Which feed my barren soul,
That I only despise
For I long to be whole.

Broken in my mind,
The truth is always bare.
With no hope to find,
I can no longer care.

Feel my senses drown
In an ocean of deception.
Of my memories profound,
I bear, but, broken preconceptions.

By,
Nikhil Menon

My Saviour

2006-02-10T03:39:00.000-08:00

My callous dreams,
My only sins,
Heed no cry unto thee.
The open doors,
The scars within,
Are all that I can see.

The lonely road
I long to take,
Seems battered with dust.
Forsaken thoughts,
I long to amke,
Emdure the pain I must.

The only time
I linger still,
Would be to seal my fate.
The aspirations
I long to kill,
See my anger dissipate.

The barren mind;
My only friend
That I could never see.
The saviour guides
Me to my end.
That saviour of mine,is Me.

By,
Nikhil Menon

The Truth

2006-02-10T03:35:00.000-08:00

Bound by a purpose
More shallow than mist;
Consumed by hope to
Deny all that exists,
I wander in shadows
Enshrined in light,
To embrace the truth that is mine.

Forgotten in dreams
That virtue endears,
It calls me slowly;
Demands my blood and tears.
To heed the cry of
My maker's pride,
I embrace the truth that is mine.

Forsaken by destiny;
Trapped in mortal rage,
I mock the chidings of
This sinfully barren age.
Skilled int he art
Of the broken lie,
I embrace the truth that is mine.

By,
Nikhil Menon

She Calls Me On

2006-02-10T03:33:00.000-08:00

Broken and faithless,
I long to be born.
Vagabond to them all,
I am all but forlorn.
If there's a reason, I won't be torn-
She calls me on.

A fate that awaits me,
I would rather scorn,
And run to my angel
Who awaits me at dawn.
If there's a reason, I won't be torn-
She calls me on.

Haunted by my past
And the demons it spawned,
I fall to my knees
Unsure if I'll carry on,
But if there's a reason, i won't be torn-
She calls me on.

By,
Nikhil Menon

Lady In Death

2006-02-10T03:28:00.000-08:00

She leaves you
Broke, reborn and blind
To the faith you do forsake.
Your every wish
Repaid in kind,
With those you'd never make.

She heals you
With he rgentle ways
As you spurn the virtue of choice.
Your weak heart,
Longs for the days
When your dould once had a voice.

She guides you
Through your faded past,
To embrace what joys are now pain.
Shallow in mind,
She will at long last
Lead you to your broken dreams again.

She is yours
To always hold in love.
She is in your every mortal breath.
She watches over you,
Like the stars above.
She is, your Lady In Death.

By,
Nikhil Menon

Leave Me

2005-12-10T10:29:00.000-08:00

Leave me alone,
By the ebbing creek
That would be my broken fate.
Leave me without
All that I seek,
For all I find is hate.

Leave me barren,
In truth and mind.
I now break my tryst with lies.
Leave me longing
For an end to find
The existence I now despise.

Leave me lost
In my mortal rage,
Which feeds on my shallow heart.
Leave me cursed,
To undo this age
That tears us all apart.

Leave me helpless,
For I would not see
Hope as you would define.
Leave me now,
If you care for me.
I would rather remain confined.

By,
Nikhil Menon

Free

2005-12-10T10:26:00.000-08:00

When she called
Me with smiles,
I answered with my own.
When she held me
In her embrace,
I was never to be alone.

When she cared
For me in agony,
There would be no time as this.
When she bid me
Farewell for now,
I parted with her tender kiss.

When she loved me,
I did love her too.
There would be no one again.
When she healed
My broken soul,
I would no longer know pain.

She loves me still,
I believe it so.
For we are eternally endowed.
I stand here today,
On this mortal ground.
She roams free, beyond the clouds.

By,
Nikhil Menon

One

2005-12-10T10:22:00.000-08:00

If you wish to burn me,
You needn't have to ask.
Let your flames sear my heart.
If you wish to hurt me,
Let me feel your pain.
I find my life in death's own art.

If you wish to drown me,
I will fall to all depths.
Let me drown in your ocean blue.
If you wish to heal me,
You will be my saviour.
Alas! No saviour will find you.

If you wish to break me,
I am your broken lies.
My only dream shall come undone.
If you wish to love me,
I am yours to death.
There is you. There could only be one.

By,
Nikhil Menon

My Conspirator

2005-12-10T10:19:00.000-08:00

Embrace me with
Yourburdened arms,
To see my scars to hide.
Surrender to all
Of my mortal charms,
And choose my death to confide.

Take my hand
In lonely times,
To spurn your only fears.
Forsake all that
Appears divine,
To find solace in all your teaars.

Bid my illusions
Well, for they do
Shelter you from your lies.
Their price is
Not yours to pay,
But my own to despise.

Love me when
My heart does burn,
To quench the thirst of desire.
Loved I am,but,
I still must learn,
That you will always conspire.

By,
Nikhil Menon

My Purpose

2005-12-10T10:15:00.000-08:00

Isolated by reasons
I knew not existed,
I remain a mortal forgiven.
To shun all beginning,
To embrace every end,
In a world but one man would live in.

I care not for hope;
I live not for dreams.
I'm no slave to obligatory regret.
These memories are
Mine to forever recollect,
Or to savour before I forget.

Passions of the whim,
Justify not life.
They merely justify existence.
Friendly souls to
The heathen shadows, knock
On hells door with persistence.

By,
Nikhil Menon

Wanderer

2005-12-10T10:10:00.000-08:00

Blind to my foes,
With no bane to keep,
I will follow into the night.
No stranger to woes,
My scars do weep
For the souls ensconed in dark light.

Born to my kind,
And true to my soul,
I have no place in the divine.
Free in my mind,
Not torn but whole,
I seek the truth that is mine.

Seeking what is lost,
In what I do gain,
I rove now, as I did before.
My faith is my cost
To endure in pain.
I wandered then. I wander no more.

By,
Nikhil Menon

Lonely Day

2005-12-10T10:04:00.000-08:00

Would it be you alone,
To guide me through the unknown?
No it wouldn't be true.
When forsaking is all I can do.
What more do I have to say?
Just another lonely day.

Help me, I need to find
Truths behind the pain that's mine.
They just pass me by.
Maybe it was all just your lie.
For my mortal sins I do pay.
Just another lonely day.

Tell them I'm on my own.
All my purposes are set in stone.
I am theirs to take,
With my own reasons to forsake.
I beg you to take me all the way.
Just another lonely day.

I know you know no remorse.
Didn't ask for it, but of course,
I have no peace of mind.
Now I would rather walk among the blind.
I have no more reasons to pray.
Just another lonely day.

I'm waiting for a sign,
That everything will fall in line.
My means are so few,
But all I wanted was you.
My own end I'm left to protray.
Just another lonely day.

When you walk out the door,
Leave me broken like you did before,
To all my depths I will fall.
Now your words mean nothing at all.
I am wounded for my demons to slay.
Just another lonely day.

By,
Nikhil Menon

Masquerade

2005-12-10T10:01:00.000-08:00

The sun's rays,
Caressing her skin
Which basks in its golden light.
Her hair does find
A soft glow within,
In the glory of its divine might.

The rain drops
Kiss her silken tips
Along her finger's tender touch.
They trickle across
Her slender lips,
Moistened just as much.

When she smiles,
In a moment she says
What I wouldn't hear in years.
Yet I am no
Stranger to her ways,
For her smile hides her unshed tears.

By,
Nikhil Menon

Not Of Me

2005-12-10T09:57:00.000-08:00

Think not of me,
When you need to cry.
I am noone to you anymore.
Think not of me,
When it all crashes down,
Like it always did before.

Think not of me,
When you need hope.
I am no strength to you.
Think not of me,
When you hurt inside.
I will not see you through.

Think not of me,
When none emerge to
Lead you on gently and kind.
Think not of me,
When you need solace,
And there is none to find.

Think not of me,
When these words you hear.
You would always see through my lies.
Do not care to think,
For when you need me,
I'll already be by your side.

By,
Nikhil Menon

Forget

2005-12-10T09:53:00.000-08:00

Forget the angels
Passing you by,
With every step you take.
Forget the memories
You hide in lies,
That you long to forsake.

Forget the flowers
Coming forth to bloom,
Only looked upon by your eyes.
Forget the dew-drops
On your silken touch,
Whose soft caress they epitomise.

Forget the smiles
That rain on you,
When I would linger near.
Forget them all,
But when you cry,
Let me shed your only tear.

By,
Nikhil Menon

Lessons

2005-12-10T09:41:00.000-08:00

My sins atoned for,
By mortal whims;
My every need unheeded.
Standing on broken ground,
By an ocean of lies,
I despise all truths needed.

They call for me,
Silently summoning my
Spirit to answer my fear.
They beckon only
To shed light on
These mortal roots I endear.

They tell me of my
Greatest sin to keep-
This curse they call desire.
It burns inside me,
Consuming slowly
As a mockingly potent fire.

They tell me of my
Incessant jealousy,
Which would be my bane.
It claws around my
Own existence to
Condemn me to eternal pain.

They tell me of my
Chronic lust for all
That's temporary and impure.
A slave to impulse,
That controls my will
To ignore all that is truly sure.

They tell me of my
Lack of true faith,
In the erring ways of life.
Bound to distrust
All that is around,
In my bid to find only strife.

They tell me of all
That I did fear at once,
When mortal glory was one.
But I cared not,
When it mattered most,
For I have now come undone.

By,
Nikhil Menon

Never Again

2005-11-03T00:19:00.000-08:00

On the morning of
A velvet orange sky,
When your own hope
Would know no time;
The sun shines reflected
In her twilight eyes,
As her smile sings
Tales of the sublime.

Her dress runs gently
As a river fo wine,
Far more intoxicating
Than the perfumed air.
She offers glimpses of
All that is divine.
Her silken glow
Is beyond compare.

When she takes your
Hand in her caress
And leads you across
The summer day.
The rain drops seem
More or less,
Like heaven's own
Children at play.

She doesn't give you
Time for reasons.
As she dances to the tune
Of the breeze.
Her thoughts lost
In heavenly seasons,
And the joy
She always sees.

But the velvet whisks
Of the night remain,
The best times
You would ever see.
Silken shadows smile
For you again,
At a time
Never again to be.

By
Nikhil Menon

To Me

2005-11-03T00:11:00.000-08:00

She paints the sullen sky,
Her hue of velvet green,
With the joyous smile of a child.
A smile reminiscent of,
A time long since seen,
By her gentle heart so wild.

She sings to the wind,
That whispers to leaves;
The kiss of spring on her lips.
Her eyes gently closed,
But unable to deceive,
The raindrops on her silken fingertips.

Oblivious to all but,
The caress of the snow,
She revels in all she can see.
A mere child enchanted
By ashen flakes on her nose,
She's always a woman to me.

By,
Nikhil Menon

Her Tears

2005-08-12T23:09:00.000-07:00

Amidst the gentle breeze,
She stands in solitude
Gazing at the stars above her
In silent wonder and hope.

Her purpose lost in silence,
She awaits no fate to come.
A mere thought would bring to her
What a lifetime could not.

She believes not in reason,
Gives in not to mortal fears,
But feels mortal sorrow within,
nd drowns the world in her tears.

Her heart seeks no justice
That awaits her wizened smile.
A smile not witnessed
By mortal eyes before.

Her eyes, the only windows
Into her pure, troubled soul.
A soul that longs for salvation
That would never be found.

And She shall not find love
As the eternal end nears,
And so hides the smile that never was,
To drown the world in her tears.

By,
Nikhil Menon

Pass Her By

2005-08-12T22:57:00.000-07:00

They cared not for the sullen smile
That nestled on her ashen face.
They cared not for the tears
That trickled down her cheek.
They didn't care enough to try,
They merely passed her by.

Her eyes glazed over by reality,
That restores no hope she needs.
Her dreams now one with the stars,
As dreams that would never be.
To believe would be to lie,
For her dreams have passed her by.

Her memories of spring elusive,
As it loses its relevance.
Gone are her visions of the
Winter December used to bring.
Forgotten are the clear skies of July,
As time has passed her by.

Her only friends in loneliness
Are visions of illusory times,
That she welcomes dearly.
I would strive to, but I cannot
Give her my love for it is I,
That can only pass her by.

By,
Nikhil Menon

Here With Me

2005-08-12T22:52:00.000-07:00

I could walk for miles,
Alone but all the while,
Dreaming of your smile,
That divine would always be,
My angel here with me.

I could shed your tears,
Cower from all your fears,
Endure the end that nears,
For all I'll ever see is
My angel here with me.

I could say a prayer,
And ask for you to care,
And to always be there
In times of need for me,
My angel here with me.

I could talk to stars,
Whose light shines on the scars
That memories have hid for hours.
I would find solace in thee,
My angel here with me.

And we could fly above
This night and its velvet glove.
For there is no point in love,
No reason left to be,
Save, My angel here with me.

By,
Nikhil Menon

Her Eyes

2005-08-12T22:48:00.000-07:00

Visions of a world,
Far from the one
I live in and now despise,
Greet my mind
In solitary hues,
When I look into her eyes.

My thoughts profound
In my mind as I
Seem to witness this age's demise.
Emotions awakened,
And glory found
When I look into her eyes.

Simplicity the key
To my understanding
Of the moment existence is summarized.
My thoughts are useless,
As I am lost,
When I look into her eyes.

Reasons benign in
This moment because,
I know no truth and no lies.
Forsake all answers
For I find them all,
When I look into her eyes.

By,
Nikhil Menon

Immortal Beauty

2005-08-05T07:18:00.000-07:00

My inspiration renewed;
My thoughts rekindled;
My dreams realized in time.
My hopes redefined;
My emotions awakened,
In that one moment sublime.

When the skies behind her,
Greyed with magnificence,
In light of an impending storm.
Striking fear in mortal hearts,
Intrigue in mortal minds,
As divinity, before me, takes mortal form.

The wind in its might,
Overwhelming the plains,
In a display of power and grace,
Challenging existence
As it blew across.
Her hair, an auburn stream across her face.

Her memory, like a vision,
Vivid in colour and life,
As she was one with the world in exile.
Beauty epitomised;
She was mortal until
I saw all that is divine in her smile.

By,
Nikhil Menon

The Ordinary Girl

2005-08-05T07:14:00.000-07:00

This is the first poem I've written that doesn't rhyme anywhere except the last stanza.

She would be the ordinary girl,
Who sits by the rivers edge.
A quiet smile on her petalled face,
As her feet lay partially submerged.

She would be the ordinary girl,
Who giggles at the nuances of life.
Her mind not bound by reason;
Her thoughts her own to keep.

She would be the ordinary girl,
Gazing out the window in solitude.
Contemplating some hidden sorrow,
As her eyes shed unseen tears.

She would be the ordinary girl,
Who treasures all that can ever be.
Ordinary to most who pass her by,
But everything divine to me.

By,
Nikhil Menon

My Angel

2005-08-05T07:06:00.000-07:00

A simple reason
Forsakes my truth.
Is this hope my bane?
Forgotten in dreams,
Remembered in life,
Would I ever feel again?

These thoughts: Impulsive.
This feeling: Rapt.
My senses, lost in an illusion.
My memories lost;
My mind at rest;
Amidst this torrid confusion.

My own dreams found
In a moment's span,
As I feel a part of me change.
How could someone human,
Seem so divine,
And render my own person strange?

Perception altered,
I find my solace,
In thoughts my reasons betray.
Lost in my mind,
Amidst her memories,
I find all my hope is astray.

She is no angel,
To the sky above,
But is everything divine to me.
Beauty personified,
In body and mind,
She is more than I could ever be.

I would cherish these
Thoughts for times to come,
But thoughts are mere fragments alone.
I would strive to be
Worthy of her grace.
My love, my angel unknown.

By,
Nikhil Menon

My Fate

2005-07-22T09:41:00.000-07:00

Forgotten by the ages,
Would I wander in darkness,
Or would I seek the power that is mine?
The path does grow longer,
As the shadows do witness
This forsaken age wither and sublime.

Forgotten by all reason,
I stand by the river which
Fondly keeps me from my eternal end.
Hope would be lost,
If it existed at all,
For callous desire is my only friend.

Forgotten by the truth,
I seek a savior in lies,
Who silently counts the misery to fall.
I must find my refuge in
The open arms of sins,
And heed the benevolent master's call.

No heaven awaits me,
Beyond these ashen clouds-
My fate is my own to never share.
A grim end of sorts
To all my endeavours,
As the truth shall never be laid bare.

By,
Nikhil Menon

Help!

2005-07-11T22:36:00.000-07:00

Okay A small request. To aid this budding writer's endeavours, please help him make some cash by clicking on the google ad at the bottom of this page! You don't even need to read it, just click it and close the freakin window when it opens! It really isn't much! Thanks! And yeah i feel like I sold my soul, but I'm just doing it for the heck of it so i might as well make a little bit while I'm at it!

My Alternate blog is up for viewing

2005-07-04T12:20:00.000-07:00

Howdy! Just got the more informal blog of mine up and running. Visit it if you feel like it.

http://rationalbutinsane.blogspot.com

As you can see, I have an affinity for contradictory halves of a name. But that's life... Contradictions galore!

The first official essay on my blog - "War - An Insight Into Man's Darkest Whim"

2005-07-01T08:14:00.000-07:00

Waterloo, Zaire, Bosnia, Afghanistan and Iraq – These places haven’t many things in common, but one cannot go over these names without realizing one dominant and deadly similarity. This similarity, dear reader, is that these are all places that have witnessed untold destruction and devastation. These are places which have fallen victim to mankind’s darkest whim. These, are all places ravaged by war.

Man claims to be an intelligent animal, and no doubt he is, but all the intelligent he possesses takes a backseat when it comes to certain issues, none more prominent than when it comes to asserting his power.

We are all driven, somewhere inside us, by the home of our pride – our ego. Man, as an animal and as a being, rarely considers the concept of “turning the other cheek”. It is this dogged stubbornness which gives birth to our desire to be dominant and masters of all that we see. It is this desire, which brings us to the brink of total destruction.

War is an act of wanton foolishness, conveniently branded as an act of necessity. It’s patrons are often those who know that it isn’t necessary, and yet paint a picture that it is, while acting in the alleged “interest” of one state, by nearly destroying another!

A war, once fought, results in destruction which by far outweighs the so-called “benefits” of war. Today, a soldier is portrayed as a hero, a true citizen of his country. True, he may be a hero to his nation, but what is he to humanity as a whole? I believe he is no less than a cold – blooded murderer.

A picture honour, bravery and pride along with a generous portion of benefits, has been painted of a soldier by our forefathers. From the knights in shining armour with bloody swords, to the modern day war hero with a smoking gun, people have been glorified for taking human lives – the same thing that millions around the world are in prison for.

In the modern world, one can identify a few prerequisites, any of which need to be fulfilled to deem a full scale war necessary. (Condition two seems to be the more popular one):

1. You require an alleged “mad man” as the head of the state that would be attacked.

2.The state to be attacked must have at least one valuable resource which can be “looked after” (pay very kind attention to the quotes) by the occupying country.

3.An act of terrorism has to have taken place at least six months before the scheduled day of attack. (It is generally accepted that the state to be attacked is responsible in one way or another)

These aren’t very difficult conditions to fulfill if one analyses the different parts of the globe. It seems we could be subjected to war as easily as one can deem a leader a madman.

But is a war really worth it all? Countless lives lost for the sake of a few miles in a neighboring country? In some cases, lives of many sacrificed for the sake of an individual? To put it bluntly, it isn’t.

There can’t possibly be enough words that could describe the horrific consequences of war. If ‘being evil’ can be described as committing acts of sheer horror and ignoring its consequences, and then doing the same thing over and over, then I ask you – Are we all not evil? After countless wars, innumerable lives lost and many trillions worth of destruction, a part of mankind, sadly, is still waiting to push the proverbial button that would plunge us all into one frantic act of idiocy that would change the world as we know it.

Of all the difficulties we impose on ourselves, war and unnecessary conflict are by far the worst of them all. However, it is something which can be avoided if we only use the intelligence that we all innately possess. It is apt to say that war does not decide who is wrong or right, it only decides who is left.

By,
Nikhil Menon

Should I?

2005-06-29T20:40:00.000-07:00

Hmm... would it ruin the theme of this place to add a couple of essays? I know it's my blog and I can pretty much do what I want, but It's like Ray in Everybody Loves Raymond.. It has to appeal to those I'm trying to impress! So to the few visitors that DO visit this place and send me those refreshing emails (your constructive criticism is appreciated), let me know. Take care for now.

Sight

2005-06-29T20:26:00.000-07:00

I see the battered memories,
On a sky of chastised denial.
Speckled like the auburn dust
On a sea of wanton betrayal.

I see the dreams of most beings,
Enveloped by a night : An end.
Broken grounds to tread upon,
And broken spirits to befriend.

I see all glory compromised
To fulfill a sinful greed.
The accomplishments of the ages,
Forsaken in times of need.

I see the torn fragments,
Of a life that none shall find.
And so I watch, and wonder If this is sight,
I would rather be amongst the blind.

By,
Nikhil Menon

The Mortal Messiah

2005-06-29T20:09:00.000-07:00

My sweat mixes
With my burning blood -
A crimson streak across my face.
The air once had,
The crisp whiff of spring.
It is now fouled by my disgrace.

The instrument of
Death on my shoulders,
Is not meant for one man to lift.
Why must I
Endure this misery?
Am I not YOUR holy gift?

They punish me
Not for what I've done,
But for what I will do in time.
Am I not
The deliverer, father?
Where are my powers sublime?

I have endured
Much pain, father.
Why must I suffer this today?
The hill, it seems
So distant now,
And vicious are those on the way.

The crown of thorns,
Seeks refuge in my flesh.
If only I could cry, or grieve.
But I must not,
Lest I destroy,
The faith of those, who still believe.

I have arrived
And now I wait,
For the end of prolonged pain.
As they do their bidding,
I stare at a once
Clear sky, that now brings rain.

The light fades,
And so my life.
This silence is my eternal friend.
As a promise,
A messiah, I was born.
As a grateful mortal, will I end.

By,
Nikhil Menon

Revelation Of Purpose

2005-06-29T20:03:00.000-07:00

The existential realm,
Is but a challenge for the meek.
With anger at the helm,
I hear thoughtless fury speak.

A slave to mortal whim -
You are a prisoner of sorts.
A patient fate, too grim,
Awaits the master of torts.

It was an epiphany enchanted,
That became the messiah ignored.
Seeking to be reprimanded,
Our own belligerence we must ford.

Pray not to the holy being and
Worship not, his powers, great.
Realise that the truth is in seeing,
That we are the masters of our fate.

By,

Nikhil Menon

Bliss

2005-04-27T05:51:00.000-07:00

I take a deep breath.
My eyes closed. A smile on my face.
My arms are extended beside me.
My heart begins to race.

I open my eyes and look down.
I see a river that is miles below.
Behind me I see the sun and the moon.
This is not a dream, I know.

Part of the sky is in the night.
Part of it presents day.
I begin to sing in joy.
My soul begins to play.

The wind turns into a cool breeze.
A light drizzle kisses my face.
I see the earth spinning before my eyes.
I am in such a wonderful place.

‘But where am I ?’, I wonder.
Only then do I realize this :
In the real world, at this moment, I am with you,
And I feel eternal bliss.

Who I am, and what this place is about

2005-04-25T01:37:00.000-07:00

Hey, I'm Nikhil Menon. I'm a first year Computer Science student at a college that could be equated to central jail, and a writer. Now, I call myself a writer but haven't had any of my work published as yet. This place is basically a collection of all my poems and a few of the thoughts which inevitably find themselves in the form of a poem.

Feel free to leave any comments, criticism (constructive and destructive alike), words of encouragement, or just plain mad rantings. Hope you like what you see.

I Am

2005-04-25T01:19:00.000-07:00

I am the light,
Which shows you the way,
But then disappears in the night.
I am a promise,
I assure you I'll stay,
But then I am hidden from sight.

I am that rock,
Which forever was still,
But now rolls with the times.
I am that memory,
You will recall until,
I, myself, sublime.

I am that hand,
Which writes upon
The wall you cannot see.
I am the watcher
You believe is gone,
But around you still roams free.

I am that fate,
A shattered dream's sliver,
Constant, yet subject to change.
I am the stranger,
You see in your mirror,
Alas! I am no longer strange.

The God Of Our Device

2005-04-25T01:05:00.000-07:00

Wandering this path,
That would not be,
If I were not witness to the light.
Treading silently,
These days I see,
Fade into eternal night.

The stars seem
To be stars no more,
Merely signs of inevitability.
The earth revolves
But not as before.
It now spins with increasing futility.

Pray!
Ye mortals who live in fear!
Pray to the god of your device.
Pray, and shed
A Thousand tears,
So you may not pay your price.

Fortune it seems,
Favours you no longer,
Your existence more questionable each day.
Ignorant and unaware,
Of the threat approaching yonder,
You implicitly wither away.

By,
Nikhil Menon

When I Die...

2005-04-25T01:00:00.000-07:00

When I die,
I wish to pass in my sleep.
Peaceful and calm
With no sorrow to keep.

When I die,
I wish to have a smile on my face,
So that those left behind know
I was dreaming of your grace.

When I die,
I wish those still here, feel no sorrow.
For I will be in paradise,
Where there is never a tomorrow.

Then again, I wish I were awake,
And I'm looking into your eyes.
So I could say "I Love you" one last time,
Kiss you, smile, and meet my demise.

The Final Moments

2005-04-25T00:53:00.000-07:00

He closed his eyes,
And inhaled.
As a tear trickled of his cheek.
Then a smile flashed,
Across his face,
As he opened his mouth to speak.

A thunderous shout
Left his lips.
It's echoes thundered just as much.
He stood on his toes,
And swayed a bit,
As the winds extended their touch.

He looked down to the fate
That awaited him.
The future thereafter was unknown.
The wind blew hard but
He stood still,
And lifeless as a stone.

He then took one long,
Deep breath.
This one would be his last.
He then smiled and
Let go of himself,
As the world he knew flew past.

The winds suddenly,
Did subside.
He felt nothing, and heard no sound.
In the near distance,
Below him,
A teardrop hit the ground.

Her Velvet Embrace

2005-04-25T00:48:00.000-07:00

The comfort of angels enchanted,
With a smile on an arabesque face.
Seeking my refuge, hopes and dreams
In her arms, her velvet embrace.

Visions of myriad voyages,
Across the stars, space and time,
Clutter the simplicity of this moment,
As all my distractions sublime.

Sacrificing my very existence,
To drink the elixir of her grace.
I taste the fruits of inevitablitiy,
In her arms, her velvet embrace.

Exiled from all reason and truth,
Searching for poetic absolution.
Using a moment of sinful despair,
To find what many seek hope in.

Intoxicated by divine bliss,
Following the path whispers trace,
She leads me past illusory times,
To my fate, her velvet embrace.

Winter Twilight

2005-04-25T00:44:00.000-07:00

Velvet winter sky -
The pleasant stars shining bright.
Visible only against fading light.
They greet the world tonight.

Smell of cedar trees -
This air is sweet perfume to me.
The scent of perfect majesty.
A warm tribute to thee.

Flakes of sparkling snow -
Fall from heaven with no place to go.
Kiss them softly, and you will know,
How I love you so.

Like a velvet glove -
Night descends on the sky above.
See them fly away the singing doves,
Singing of my love.

The summer's in your eyes,
And the rains linger near.
Autumn in your tender touch,
But you are the winter, dear.

The Night That Was

2005-04-25T00:39:00.000-07:00

A serpentine breeze did embrace
The night enveloped in a speckled mist.
The clouds scattered in velvet grace
As the grass tastes the dew's silent kiss.

The earth, fragrant from the rain,
Embraced the luminescent moon.
The fresh leaves shivered in sweet pain.
The rumble of thunder not a moment too soon.

A silver streak shattered the sky,
As a myth was brought to life.
The mortal would but question why,
The maker sends beauty with strife.

The pioneers of heavenly indulgence,
Were the first few drops of rain.
Lost fragments of a secret's divulgence,
They come together as one, again.

The pleasure of existential bliss
Leaves me at a reasons loss.
All the glory and might that is his,
Epitomised in the night that was...

Her Innocent Smile

2005-04-25T00:25:00.000-07:00

I see her in the summer,
Chasing sparrows in the sky.
Forgetting all her worries and
Her reasons to cry.

I see her dancing in the rain,
The raindrops kissing her face.
Her fingers, like petals,
Seeking a velvet sky's embrace.

I see her in the glowing snow,
Enjoying the gifts winter brings.
Smiling her innocent smile,
Awaiting the joys of spring.

I see her by the river,
Listening to silent voices.
Dropping pebbles, in placid water,
As a waning moon rejoices.

I see her in the corn-fields,
Merrily dancing to the tune
Of the whispering zephyr,
And the night that falls soon.

I see her chasing rabbits
Which exist, but, in her mind.
As the flowers smile in unison,
At the joy she inevitably finds.

I see her in her mother's arms,

Asleep and lost in her dreams.

Anonymous to a world around,

Where nothing is what it seems.

I see her smile her innocent smile,

As she takes me by the hand,

Leads me through lush trees,

To a distant promised land.

I see this land before me,

When i look into her eyes.

A land of speckled rainbows,

A land devoid of lies.

A land where she'd whisper

Sweet nothings with delight.

A land where she'd dance all day,

And sing all through the night.

A land in her thoughts.

A land where all the while,

She'd mingle with the clouds,

And smile her innocent smile.

I did see her and I knew it not,

On that faithful autumn day,

That the last time she sang

Would be the last time she'd play.

I did see the sun weep golden rays,

Which caressed her ashen face.

The gentle raindrops did follow

The path her tears would trace.

I still see her when i try to look

Beyond the clouds and years.

She just smiles her innocent smile,

And wipes away my tears.

By,
Nikhil Menon

My Lessons

2005-04-25T00:17:00.000-07:00

Take shelter in my memories,
For times to come - so dire.
Forgive the fading light
As the stars above conspire.

Seek my maker in the darkness
Which exists in divine light.
To be a slave to reason
Is to behold his hold might.

Praise the essence of wisdom
And bless the heathen soul.
Learn from that which teaches not,
And find emptiness in all that's whole.

Embrace the inevitability,
Which patiently awaits us all.
Fight not the war threatening faith,
Fight the one which threatens us all.

By,
Nikhil Menon